


Instructions

by ninamazing



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-29
Updated: 2006-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 03:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninamazing/pseuds/ninamazing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>She had imagined him hard, hot, fast; she had pictured awkwardness and a struggle to keep up with him, a fight not to be forgotten.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Instructions

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://mal-river.livejournal.com/36285.html), to the mal-river community at LiveJournal.

She had imagined him hard, hot, fast; she had pictured awkwardness and a struggle to keep up with him, a fight not to be forgotten. She had prepared herself for a horrible first time, for disappointment and sadness that she couldn't be quite what he needed. She had predicted a rush to sense everything that he wanted and give it to him, and surprise when she could not, and then anger, that this hadn't gone right for her. She told herself that the first one, people always said, never went right, and that she'd have to wait to get what she deserved. She figured that by the time she got it she wouldn't think she deserved it anymore, but that was shiny in its own way, because if she lived to get it that meant she'd still be alive.

Right in the moment, River was revising all her thoughts. Even the word "alive" had a sudden astounding new meaning when she realized that Mal hadn't whispered anything dumb into her ear as he came, because he didn't need to, because he was too lost already for that.

Usually the girl had ten things in her head at once, but it felt like everything was going away, and when she kissed Mal back she wasn't worrying about technique she was just thinking _Mal Mal Mal, tongue tongue tongue_. Images flitted through her head like swan dancers, flying on tiptoes: the night she taught him how to dance, the night he let her clean his gun, the night she kissed his ear and he turned his head too fast, the night her brother found them, the night her brother ignored them, the night Mal yelled at her and slept alone, the night Mal trained her fingers to pilot into atmo but really to love, the day she got sick and he brought her protein in hot water, the night he hit his head on an iron bar in his bunk and she laughed, the night she explained quarks and he never cracked a joke, the night he told her all his old stories and she listened because she had no stories of her own, the night he first called her _my only soul_ in Chinese and this night, the night she dropped down his ladder and he was behind her, picked her up, started to kiss her, touched her shirt, the night she couldn't control her tingles everywhere and the night she needed her captain to convince her that she wouldn't be left behind or broken or scorned, but simply adored.

Instead of a whisper Mal just gave her more kisses, bursts of longing everywhere, caressing her eyelids, her neck, her breasts, her legs, and she thought she might die and live forever at the same time. When she reached up to give the same to him he laughed softly and stopped her fingers, pressing even more closely than before. She pushed him back for a moment, too roughly, she didn't know how, and fixed herself into his eyes so he would know what all this meant to her and she wouldn't have to speak. Mal, being Mal, understood; he leaned in to murmur _"don't worry, darlin', you're everything"_ a hair's breadth from her mouth and the words were so ardent yet unreal that they felt like they came from her own mind; that gave her comfort. She didn't know what to say back so she just said _"Mal"_ and that seemed to make him crazy, because he wrapped his arms around her and she tightened her legs over his back and they made each other together:

River thought _killing-fighting-dying-loving-Mal_ ;

Mal thought _precious-lover-woman-crazy-River_ ;

River cried out into his ear because she felt so much good hurt that she thought she might crash into a million tiny shards and she wanted him to be there to pick them all up. Mal's hands took her strongly and his mouth searched her body; in one quick breath he gasped into her mouth and hissed her name. She wanted to scream for him, but she pulled him to her and felt tears coming; Mal kissed them off like a wild man and _shoved_ , one last time, making her a part of it, holding her and kissing her and doing all the things that River thought men didn't do because it was too good, too good to happen all at once, but it was happening anyway, and he was there and keeping her from falling.

"Love," they both sighed at the same time, thinking _delicious-amazing-forever_. River rolled over onto him and she thought she might kiss every hair on his chest, one-by-one, and as their mouths touched again and the screaming savage fire shot through her she realized with no small amount of pleasure that she knew exactly what to do.


End file.
